How I became my daughter’s best friend and a better mom to her. 17 tips that worked for me.
Mom and daughter bond is what all mothers wish to have, there is something special about it, that connection alone is worth more than gold.It is a sad story when there is gap in Mom and daughter relationship.
These gaps somehow keeps the mother away from what is happening in the life of her daughter most of the time. And there is nothing that break Mothers’ heart than being out of touch with what their girls are going through at each stage of their lives.
Have you ever seen a mom and a daughter that bond so well that you wish you had such connection with your own daughter. It is good to understand that Some moms flow naturally with their daughters, while some others find it difficult to connect.
If you as a mom find yourself in the later group, do not beat yourself over it, you are not alone in this struggle and it does not mean you’re a bad mom or you’re not showing enough love to your daughter. It simply means you have to consciously take steps towards connecting with your daughter.
Raising a girl child comes with joy and challenges. Yes, it is a great responsibility. You have to be at alert at all time to know what is going on in your girls life because many teenage daughters will pull away from you right at the time when they need your guidance and support the most.
You have to stay connected with them so they will feel comfortable and safe talking to you about all the issues that affects them. Know that if they are not talking to you, they are talking to someone else. And how are you sure they are getting the right advice.
Mother and daughter relationship.
Building a mother- daughter relationship and being a good mom to you daughter depends on you as a mother, what you have inside you; is it love or bitterness? Know that you can’t give what you don’t have.
Hence, being a good mom Starts by putting one self in order, creating a sacred space of love for yourself. The next thing is making a conscious effort towards connecting with your girl.
And when a daughter sees her mother making an effort to connect with her, she really appreciates it and respond by drawing herself close.
These 17 tips will help you connect with your daughter, become her best friend and a better mother to her. It worked for me and here they are :
1. Take good care of yourself
You might ask want does taking good care of yourself has to do with your relationship with your daughter, it has a lot to do with it, taking good care of yourself is one step towards being a better mother to your daughter.
When you take care of yourself as a mother you are directly teaching your girls to take good care of themselves.It is common for mothers to be so consumed with taking care of the children,husband,the house and forgetting about themselves, in the process, most especially at the early years of marriage when the kids are still very young.
Please that’s very wrong it does nobody any good, taking good care of yourself is part of being a good mother it draws your children very close to you.
2. Have time for yourself.
I have to separate this from the first tip for the purpose of clarity. The responsibility of a mother is too many no denying that ,one eye on children, the other eye on the husband, one hand in the kitchen,the other hand in the laundry that’s mothers for you.
Steal out time for yourself each day , relax have a good time, do things that makes you happy, it’s good for your health as well as your spirit. You can only be in a good relationship with your daughter and a good mom when you’re at peace with yourself.
3. Be a good Wife and good mother
Be a good wife to your husband as well as a good mother to all your children.
Don’t forget that you are a case study to your daughter, she is a little woman learning from a big woman,one day she will get married and have her own family and her home will depend mostly on what she learned from you.
4. Raise you daughter in a Godly way.
Train up a child in the way of the Lord so that when she grows up she will not depart from it. Raise your girl with the fear of God. Train her in the Lord’s way, bring her close to God from the very young age.
5. Be her role model.
Be exactly what you want your daughter to be.
Live the kind of life you want her to live when she grow up. As a mother you should not forget that your girl is looking up to you,even at a very young age kids try to do whatever the see people around them do, be it their parents or relatives.
6. Establish clear rule and boundaries for your daughter.
Setting boundaries is drawing a line for the children, taking control as the parent to help them get control of their life from little age.
Setting boundaries for your daughters is a very important way to show how much you love them.
Setting boundary is not limited to a particular age there is no exception even a grown up daughter must have limits, it is all for her own good. Set limits with appropriate consequences that will go into effect if the rules are broken.
However, know that punishment is not the best approach when dealing with your girls or any other child, often times punishment tends to make things worse, by forcing girls to drift further away from their parents[How to set clear boundaries for your Children]
7. Have time for your daughters.
Get to know your girl, most mom don’t really know their daughter. You gave birth to her, no one is questioning that , but it is not enough. A good mom is always in continued contact with her daughter as she passes through different stages of her life.
Most moms makes this mistake of believing they know their daughter but who they know is a former daughter. For instance you can’t claim to know someone you last had real contact with when she was 10years while she is now 16 years.
Make out time for your daughters. Be available for them, Girls always need loving and nurturing female figure to lean on.
It is only when you are close to your daughter that you will know if she has any special gift.
Find out if she have any special talent like drawing,fashion, dancing, singing or good in any sports enroll her in special classes to develop her talent.
A8. Be her big sister.
Take off your motherhood cloth sometimes and be a sister to your daughter. Try it, its fun, relate with your girl on a sister level, we all know how intimate sisters can be most times.
Make it clear to your daughter that she can trust and relate with you that way, make sure she understands that whatever secret she shares with you at this level remain between the two of you.
Earn her trust on a sister level and she will confide in you as a big sister that she can always consult for advice, You will find out that she will reveal most issues she is afraid to share with you as a mother.
Don’t try to control her life at this level you are just her sister, give her sisterly advice, help her solve her problems with out fuse and open door for more consultation in the future.
Play games with her, find out the games she likes and play it with her, it does not matter her age whether she is 5 ,15 or more. Teach her if she don’t know how to play and allow her teach you if you don’t know the game. These are things that make you two bond together.
9. Be her friend.
Be a friend to your daughter, find out what two of you have in common. what type of books does she like to read , what movies does she like to see. Do things together find out games she has interest in and play with her.
10. Go shopping together.
Go shopping together with your girl, most especially if you intend to buy things for her. Allow her choose things for herself, even if you’re selecting for her, ask her if it’s really what she wants. Interact with her as you do the shopping.
Allow her to help you choose things for yourself if she is a grown up, because they know what is trending. Teach her how to get good things cheap and how to make good selection. Show her how to do check quality . Allow her make payments
11. Home work.
Help her with her home works and also find out the subjects she is not good at, tutor her on it or better still hire a private teacher for her if need be.
Be in touch with her class teacher from time to time to know how she is doing in school.Find out the subjects she is very good at like mathematics, science encourage her.
12. Let her always help you in the kitchen.
Teaching your daughter how to cook is your responsibility as a good mom, you owe her that . So be very mindful maybe you have loads of house helps in the house and chefs and you now think your daughter don’t belong in the kitchen.
The truth is you’re denying her the opportunity to learn how to cook and she will hate you for that when she grew up.
Allow your girl to help you in the kitchen, show her what to do according to her age she can start from washing plate and other little things if she is still very young.
Have little talk as you cook and showing her how to do things in the kitchen will make the two of you happy and increase your bond with your daughter. It is much fun to be in the kitchen with a daughter.
Always make out time for your daughter, give her listening ear. keep eye contact and show interest as she talks to you no matter the topic. This simple act goes a long way to show her that you care.
Make her understand that you’re there for her and that she can always talk to you about any issue with out fear .This is very important for her as a girl child.
It is very vital to leave the line of communication always open, this is one of the most important thing you can do for your daughter to make sure she keeps talking to you about anything and everything. connect with your daughter as often as possible.
14. Sex Education.
Most moms shy away from this particular responsibility especially in Africa. Out of ignorance they feel by leaving this important topic behind they are doing their daughters a favour or that they are protecting them, that’s absurd because there is no way this topic can be avoided.
If you as a mother fail to give your daughter sex education another person will or she might learn it the hard way and her life may be ruined. It is understood that most mum where not educated on this topic by their own mother but that does not take the importance of sex education away.
So to be a good mum to your daughter give her sex education.
Get a book on that topic in case you’re not well schooled on the topic read and educate your daughter . At puberty stage tell her what to expect that there will be changes in her body, more so, as she gets to different stages in her life
15. Know her friends.
Mothers are most times out of touch with what their daughters and their friends are going through. For you to know your daughter very well and be a good mom to her you have to know her friends.
They said “show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are” encourage your daughters to invite their friends to the house from time to time,this will present a great opportunity for you to know the kind of friend your daughter is going out with and to direct her correctly.
Also, at some certain age you should know that your daughter’s friends are no longer limited to females that there are much possibility of a boy friend.
Please, don’t shy away from this responsibility, encourage her also to invite her male friend to the house, so you know them and direct them accordingly.
16. See the good in her
Some daughter are little difficult to handle, it natural don’t pin it on her. Focus on the positive side when dealing with a difficult daughter, not everything about your girl is bad, there are often much more positive side.
Hence, always show her that she is loved even when she is not on her best behavior. Let her know that what you hate is the bad behavior and not her.
There may be need to be flexible some times when handling a daughter. Take her opinion into account with regards to making a certain decision that will affect her, especially if she is of age.
Consider what she has to say before you make some decisions that concerns her.It does a lot of good for children to feel understood. Hence, you and her can mutually agree to set rules and consequences. A good mom must focus on what’s working.
In summary, It’s sad to know that many mothers feel they are not getting it right and are so hard on themselves. Raising a girl child requires a great effort.
Girls are like raw gold and a good and capable mom is what it takes to purify them into pure and priceless gold.A good mom inspects every aspects of her girls life ; physical, spiritual, intellectual,emotional and social life.
The tips shared in this article will help you be a good mom, a good wife and build a better relationship with your daughter and all your children
Is it possible for a mother be her daughter’s best friend and still not be a good mom to her?
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